Gay married men
An Introduction
My client sat in the chair looking down at the floor, glancing up briefly to form eye contact, then darting his eyes back to the carpet. He spoke quietly, as if almost afraid to be heard. He clutched his hands throughout the session, showing all the markers of an anxious man in the throes of shame. He was a fresh client to my practice: a married, middle-aged, suburban dad with a high-powered career. A colleague had given him my number months before. It took him a long hour to muster the courage to call and form an appointment. Towards the end of our first session he looked up at me and said, “I think I’m in love…with another man. I’m scared and I don’t know what to do.”
I have worked with hundreds of gay men in heterosexual marriages struggling with being in the closet or wanting to come out from it. There is so much about these men that is misunderstood and very few studies or little literature to provide insight. I decided to share my thoughts and research about these men and their struggles at a conference a few years ago. That presentation led to other opportunities to tell their story and of my work with them. Those presentations prompted men to write to
Married Men’s Group Facilitator
Carl Marshall, the first facilitator of the Married Men’s Organization, talks about the group and its history.
How did the group come about?
Well, in 2002, I left my marriage of 20 years as I realised that I was gay. I was very distressed, disoriented, and in ask for of support, and a friend directed me towards ‘Healthy Gay Life’, the (then) local health provider for the gay community. HGL was helpful to me as a married man. It was clear though that, as a group, some very specific support was needed. The manager who led the unit at that time recognised that I had team management skills and asked me to set up a group for men who were in relationships with women who were also attracted to men.
Why was there a need for a specific group for men in relationships with women?
Acknowledging your ‘gay’ side can be very tough. Married and cohabiting men who are also attracted to guys have very specific issues. Firstly, in admitting to themselves that they have male attractions. Secondly, the guilt of feeling that they have lied or made a mistake in getting into a connection with a lady. The next challenge is the reaction of people around them,
Is My Husband Gay? Signs of a Gay Husband
Sometimes a woman may possess been in a heterosexual relationship for years and yet feel something is somehow "off;" and she may detect herself asking, "Is my husband gay?" Many women discover this question unthinkable but according to Bonnie Kaye, M.ED., an expert in women married to gay men, it is estimated that 4 million women have been, or are, married to gay men. If a husband is gay, it can devastate not only the relationship but the straight wife as well.
Signs of a Gay Husband – Is My Man Gay?
The clearest way to comprehend if your husband is gay is if he tells you. If the husband is straightforward with both you and with himself (read: How Undertake I Know If I Am Gay? Signs You Are Gay), that is when you can truly know that he is same-sex attracted. Unfortunately, it is estimated that 50% of gay husbands hide their homosexuality from their wives and don't grasp this place of honesty on their own. In many cases, it is the wife, who after suspecting that something is incorrect, must confront the gay husband with the evidence, and only then can honestly be achieved.
But if you're wondering, "Is my dude gay," it might be helpful to know that there are signs to look for, accordi
The Gay Man in the Straight Marriage
Rob rushed into his first session with me, gym bag on one shoulder, briefcase on the other, 10 minutes late and out of breath. He set his bags down, gently put his Blackberry on the table in front of him, and heaved himself onto the couch. He sighed and began: “Okay, I’m gay, I’m married, I have three kids, and I’m not getting divorced.” He’d shared some of this information with me in our phone conversation, but I was still struck by the feeling of hopelessness in his tone. As he paused, awaiting my response, quite honestly, I was awaiting my response as skillfully. I knew this was not Rob’s first experience in therapy and that a lot was riding on what I was about to say.
Rob had been referred by a former client of mine he’d met in an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Just out of alcohol rehabilitation treatment, he’d begun attending AA meetings, where he’d shared parts of his story. He described a long struggle with his sexual orientation, growing up in a devoutly Roman Catholic family, where he learned that his sexual attraction to men was lead to for eternal dam